Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Happy New Year - ABBA

Happy New Year - ABBAHey, hey, time to stop all those silly Christmas songs and get back to work. Maybe not quite. First it's time for New Years Eve parties with all that that entails. This cover is from Swedish songster ABBA's 1980 song Happy New Year. We have the lovely message from the band, wishing us all the best with their signatures and some lovely pictures of them although they look a bit glum. Over here, New Year parties rarely look so serene, though maybe they do in Sweden? Perhaps it's so cold up in the north of Europe, near the arctic circle that being glum is something that happens all winter. Poor ABBA.

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Happy New Year - ABBABack here, New Years Eve parties are, with the possible exception of Christmas parties, the time to socialize to the max, to drink every last drop of alcohol left over from the festive season and to do whatever you want. Firstly no-one will even notice as they are all too sozzled to see straight, and secondly, if you did do anything embarrassing, you can just claim that (a) you were drunk and don't remember what you did and (b) the acccusator was also drunk and couldn't possibly be remembering correctly what they had seen. That is obviously what is happening with these girls in the revised cover.

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P.S. Following the logic of the above, do not invite tea-totallers to New Year parties, especially if you intend to dance topless with your friends with a glass in your hand. They WILL remember!

Sunday, December 30, 2012

Three At A Table For Two - Doris Day

Three At A Table For Two - Doris DayThree At A Table For Two - Doris DayThis must be one of the oldest songs we've remixed here at AllBum.Art. Three At A Table For Two was sung by forces darling Doris Day in 1940. The original cover sees Ms Day smiling sweetly, but where is the table, and who is the interloper making the company a crowd? The remix, quite vividly, shows the situation. Two people were sat at a table having a nice cup of coffee together when along comes some gregarious girl and sits down between them getting in their way. Very distracting we would imagine.

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Happy Xmas (War Is Over) - John & Yoko

Happy Xmas (War Is Over) - John & YokoDo Christmas songs come any bigger than this one from former Beatle John Lennon (R.I.P.) and his partner Yoko Ono. Happy Xmas (War Is Over) must be one of the most (over) played songs on the radio during the Holiday season. It has been covered by several artists since its first release in 1971. The cover sees John and Yoko together with the Plastic Ono Band and the Harlem Community Choir who feature on the song. Not bad going for the artwork artists of the time: they actually feature the artists on the cover of the single. Unfortunately, there are a little lost amidst a crowd of onlookers.

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Happy Xmas (War Is Over) - John & YokoThis simplified cover has been stripped bare, back to the absolute basics (of which surely John and Yoko would approve). Gone are the choir and the Plastic Ono Band who, whilst rightly sharing the limelight, do detract a little from the otherwise simplicity of just representing the main artists themselves. This revise cover features just two things. Firstly we see a John (so called after its inventor Sir John Harrington). Secondly, we see an egg (fried) and surrounding the yolk of the egg, is the letter 'O'. So, we have John and Yolk-O and thus the original sanity of the cover is restored to its naked essentials.

Merry Christmas!

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Monday, December 24, 2012

Pink Christmas - Moneyshot Cosmonauts

Pink Christmas - Moneyshot CosmonautsWhat the F…? Who or what are the Moneyshot Cosmonauts? And anyhow, shouldn't out and out commie barstewards be locked up in a Guantanamo prison and never let out? That's not a very christian approach to love and peace is it? If you don't know who the Moneyshot Cosmonauts are, use your noggin and Google or Bing or Bong them or whatever it takes. What you will find is their cover of the Pink song So What, with Christmassy lyrics that they call Pink Christmas. The artwork for this song though has two main flaws: (1) It's not Christmassy and (2) It's not pink. Of course, that can be rectified…

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Pink Christmas - Moneyshot CosmonautsSo now we have a nice combination of pinkness and Christmassiness and artwork sanity has been restored to full festive force. But compared to the likes of Bing Crosby, why has this very obscure song been singled our for such important treatment. Isn't it blatantly obvious? What else could be done with this picture of the naked lady in pink gloves and a white fur scarf? There are very few songs that involve both pinkness and Christmassiness that could serve as a platform for the revelation of this pretty pink perky person. That, and the Christmas beer talking.

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Sunday, December 23, 2012

Christmas - Michael Bublé

Christmas - Michael BubléMicheal, Michael, Michael. Why, oh why, oh why, do you insist on calling yourself Boob Lay? It makes for the easiest jokes on your album covers of all time. This 2011 album, unexcitedly called Christmas has the Canadian crooner's caramel voice pouring over slinky silky Christmas songs. And what picture do we get for our hard earned dollars? Well, none other than Mr Bublé himself who appears to have bought a Christmas present for someone or other and is attempting to deliver it in the middle of a snow-storm. Not a sensible move, but then again probably a quicker way to get things delivered than using the Canadian postal system which, as everyone knows, is actually run by penguins.

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Christmas - Michael BubléIt seems just too easy to replace Mr Bublé's cover with an alternative. But easy is simple and simple is quick and easy. And so Mr Bublé has been replaced by a very (very) busty lady who is wearing a Christmas hat and a Christmas jacket of some kind and may even have been wearing a Christmas bra (which might even have been to Canadian seasonal standards). However her boobs are so large that whatever she was wearing seems to have been unable to hold them and now they just lay there in front of her. Hence we now have an album that can rightly be called Christmas with Micheal Boob Lay. Voila (as they say in Montréal).

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Saturday, December 22, 2012

Baby It's Cold Outside - Various Artists

Baby It's Cold Outside - Various ArtistsA seasonal classic, written as long ago as 1944, Baby It's Cold Outside has been performed and recorded by a long string of artists most notably:

  • Margaret Whiting and Johnny Mercer (1949)
  • Dean Martin (1959)
  • Ray Charles and Betty Carter (1961)
  • Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey (2004)
Very few pieces of original album art exist (and some versions were only released on compilation albums) and so this 'knitted sweater' design has been used as the basis for a re-work of this chilly tune.

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Baby It's Cold Outside - Various ArtistsThe revised version stays with the knitted sweater idea but instead of a cosy 'warm inside' version, this one is most definitely 'cold outside'. The lady in the picture appears to be wearing nothing but a furry hat but is thankfully protected from the harsh chill of the cold by a furry jacket that she appears to be sitting on. How she got into this predicament, heavens only knows but presumably if she felt the cold she wouldn't have got like this in the first place. She can always put the furry jacket back on again, though without any trousers or other garments, it is unlikely to provide sufficient warmth. Perhaps her charming looks have an exothermic reaction with the surrounding snow. Or maybe not.

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Friday, December 21, 2012

Christmas Time - Bryan Adams

Christmas Time - Bryan AdamsIt seems that so many Festive songs were recorded in the 1970s and 1980s. This 1985 hit comes to us courtesy of Mr Bryan Adams, who is Canadian. The song Christmas Time reached number 4 in the Billboard charts. Like so many songs of this era, it also suffers from a primary problem. In this case, we can see no evidence of Mr Adams himself, nor any evidence of its Canadian origin. In fact, the single cover artwork is very dull indeed and tells us nothing other than that the song is called Christmas Time and that it is by Mr Bryan Adams. The piece of holly and the simulated snowflakes, although adding some air of Christmassiness, do little to sell the single.

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Christmas Time - Bryan AdamsAs you will now be aware, if you have been following the re-makes of Christmas artwork on AllBum.Art, it is law, in Canada, that at this time of year, women should wear red bikinis trimmed with white fur. It is appropriate then, that the cover should contain a picture of a lady in such an outfit. Appropriate but perhaps a little plain. Instead we see a lady who would be arrested in Canada as her costume lacks the obligatory white fur trim. It also seems that she lacks any sense as she is sat on a table and is holding her panties in her teeth. Maybe someone could let her know that they belong on her bottom which will otherwise get cold. Tut, tut.

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Thursday, December 20, 2012

Blue Christmas - Elvis Presley

Blue Christmas - Elvis PresleyMr Elvis Presley and his 1964 single Blue (hoo hoo) Christmas is another of those seasonal songs that can be heard across the country on the radio at this time of year, being close to Christmas (though being more grey and white than blue). The cover here is from a re-release and is not the original, but it does see Mr Presley in a nice christmassy sweater looking kind of blue. What is most unlikely, is that Mr Presley would be on his own at Christmas, especially if he was feeling blue, and so it only seems right that we should give him someone to feel blue about, blue with or whatever else takes his fancy.

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Blue Christmas - Elvis PresleyAh, a happier Mr Presley now as we find that all along there was someone there with him. In fact she seems quite the pretty one with her red corset with white fur trim, her red underwear and her white stockings. In that outfit, she almost seems Canadian what with the regulation red bra with white fur lining. Perhaps she is Canadian: just because Mr Presley lived in the south, doesn't mean he would necessarily turn someone away just because they came from northern climes, does it? She does look less suntanned than Mr Presley, a bit pale some might say. Then again, perhaps he liked that kind of thing.

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Wednesday, December 19, 2012

I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus - Jimmy Boyd

I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus - Jimmy BoydJimmy Boyd sang I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus in 1952, when he was but 13 years old. At the time, the cover for many singles were generally very dull, however Mr Boyd appears to have done better than most with this cover which shows a Mommy (obvious by her semi-domestic apparel) kissing Santa Claus (obvious by his large stomach, red coat and white beard). And what's more there is a young boy, sat in the corner, clearly watching the scene unfold. This one wins an AllBum.Art thumbs up for managing to actually represent the song.

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I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus - Jimmy BoydJust because the original cover is alright, doesn't mean it can't be improved upon. In this modernized cover, the Mommy concerned is a little less domesticated and the Santa Claus somewhat less convincing. But where the picture loses out in authenticity, it gains in audacity as it seems that Mommy has dressed up specially for the occasion in red hot-pants and silver stripper heels. It's almost as if she knew Santa was on his way and had prepared herself ready for him coming. There is one alternative explanation, that the Mommy concerned is actually one of the presents that Santa is delivering as there must be many a Daddy who would like her in their Christmas stockings.

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Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Drive My Car - The Beatles

Drive My Car - The BeatlesHere we see British superstars of the sixties, The Beatles posing on the cover of their 1965 single, Drive My Car. Their 'moptop' hairstyles all merging together in the center of the cover to give the impression that the four heads are somehow stuck together. As with many pieces of artwork from records of the time, the person responsible for making it missed one important factor, which is that there is absolutely nothing to do with cars anywhere on the cover. The only thing vaguely connected with automobiles is possibly the fact that if you cut a circle out of the cover it would probably be a similar shape to a tire.

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Drive My Car - The BeatlesAnd so on to the revised version. As with many covers, the boys have been replaced by girls. This time, instead of the four floppy haired Brits, we see four feisty felines. The rotational symmetry of the original cover has been kept, so that if you cut a circle out of it, it would still be a similar shape to a tire. What has been done to make the cover more connected with cars, however, is that the ladies are wearing outfits which suggest they know a bit about what goes on under the bonnet. Disappointingly though, if you look closer you will see that none of them has any grease marks on their outfits, suggesting that looks are deceptive and although they look like they could handle a torque wrench, in all probability they couldn't even spell it. Beep beep, beep beep, yeah!

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