Christmas - Michael Bublé 
Sunday, 23 December, 2012, 12:13 - Albums Of The 2010s, Christmas Crackers
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michael buble christmas 1Micheal, Michael, Michael. Why, oh why, oh why, do you insist on calling yourself Boob Lay? It makes for the easiest jokes on your album covers of all time. This 2011 album, unexcitedly called Christmas has the Canadian crooner's caramel voice pouring over slinky silky Christmas songs. And what picture do we get for our hard earned dollars? Well, none other than Mr Bublé himself who appears to have bought a Christmas present for someone or other and is attempting to deliver it in the middle of a snow-storm. Not a sensible move, but then again probably a quicker way to get things delivered than using the Canadian postal system which, as everyone knows, is actually run by penguins.

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michael buble christmas 2It seems just too easy to replace Mr Bublé's cover with an alternative. But easy is simple and simple is quick and easy. And so Mr Bublé has been replaced by a very (very) busty lady who is wearing a Christmas hat and a Christmas jacket of some kind and may even have been wearing a Christmas bra (which might even have been to Canadian seasonal standards). However her boobs are so large that whatever she was wearing seems to have been unable to hold them and now they just lay there in front of her. Hence we now have an album that can rightly be called Christmas with Micheal Boob Lay. Voila (as they say in Montréal).

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Baby It's Cold Outside - Various Artists 
Saturday, 22 December, 2012, 12:03 - Singles Released Before 1960, Singles Of The 1960s, Singles Of The 2000s, Christmas Crackers
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baby its cold outside 1A seasonal classic, written as long ago as 1944, Baby It's Cold Outside has been performed and recorded by a long string of artists most notably:
  • Margaret Whiting and Johnny Mercer (1949)
  • Dean Martin (1959)
  • Ray Charles and Betty Carter (1961)
  • Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey (2004)
Very few pieces of original album art exist (and some versions were only released on compilation albums) and so this 'knitted sweater' design has been used as the basis for a re-work of this chilly tune.

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baby its cold outside 2The revised version stays with the knitted sweater idea but instead of a cosy 'warm inside' version, this one is most definitely 'cold outside'. The lady in the picture appears to be wearing nothing but a furry hat but is thankfully protected from the harsh chill of the cold by a furry jacket that she appears to be sitting on. How she got into this predicament, heavens only knows but presumably if she felt the cold she wouldn't have got like this in the first place. She can always put the furry jacket back on again, though without any trousers or other garments, it is unlikely to provide sufficient warmth. Perhaps her charming looks have an exothermic reaction with the surrounding snow. Or maybe not.

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Christmas Time - Bryan Adams 
Friday, 21 December, 2012, 12:52 - Singles Of The 1980s, Christmas Crackers
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bryan adams christmas time 1It seems that so many Festive songs were recorded in the 1970s and 1980s. This 1985 hit comes to us courtesy of Mr Bryan Adams, who is Canadian. The song Christmas Time reached number 4 in the Billboard charts. Like so many songs of this era, it also suffers from a primary problem. In this case, we can see no evidence of Mr Adams himself, nor any evidence of its Canadian origin. In fact, the single cover artwork is very dull indeed and tells us nothing other than that the song is called Christmas Time and that it is by Mr Bryan Adams. The piece of holly and the simulated snowflakes, although adding some air of Christmassiness, do little to sell the single.

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bryan adams christmas time 2As you will now be aware, if you have been following the re-makes of Christmas artwork on AllBum.Art, it is law, in Canada, that at this time of year, women should wear red bikinis trimmed with white fur. It is appropriate then, that the cover should contain a picture of a lady in such an outfit. Appropriate but perhaps a little plain. Instead we see a lady who would be arrested in Canada as her costume lacks the obligatory white fur trim. It also seems that she lacks any sense as she is sat on a table and is holding her panties in her teeth. Maybe someone could let her know that they belong on her bottom which will otherwise get cold. Tut, tut.

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Blue Christmas - Elvis Presley 
Thursday, 20 December, 2012, 12:12 - Singles Of The 1960s, Christmas Crackers
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elvis presley blue christmaMr Elvis Presley and his 1964 single Blue (hoo hoo) Christmas is another of those seasonal songs that can be heard across the country on the radio at this time of year, being close to Christmas (though being more grey and white than blue). The cover here is from a re-release and is not the original, but it does see Mr Presley in a nice christmassy sweater looking kind of blue. What is most unlikely, is that Mr Presley would be on his own at Christmas, especially if he was feeling blue, and so it only seems right that we should give him someone to feel blue about, blue with or whatever else takes his fancy.

Click for full-size image [450px by 450px].

elvis presley blue christm2Ah, a happier Mr Presley now as we find that all along there was someone there with him. In fact she seems quite the pretty one with her red corset with white fur trim, her red underwear and her white stockings. In that outfit, she almost seems Canadian what with the regulation red bra with white fur lining. Perhaps she is Canadian: just because Mr Presley lived in the south, doesn't mean he would necessarily turn someone away just because they came from northern climes, does it? She does look less suntanned than Mr Presley, a bit pale some might say. Then again, perhaps he liked that kind of thing.

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I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus - Jimmy Boyd 
Wednesday, 19 December, 2012, 12:14 - Singles Released Before 1960, Christmas Crackers
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i saw mommy kissing santa claus 1Jimmy Boyd sang I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus in 1952, when he was but 13 years old. At the time, the cover for many singles were generally very dull, however Mr Boyd appears to have done better than most with this cover which shows a Mommy (obvious by her semi-domestic apparel) kissing Santa Claus (obvious by his large stomach, red coat and white beard). And what's more there is a young boy, sat in the corner, clearly watching the scene unfold. This one wins an AllBum.Art thumbs up for managing to actually represent the song.

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i saw mommy kissing santa claus 2Just because the original cover is alright, doesn't mean it can't be improved upon. In this modernized cover, the Mommy concerned is a little less domesticated and the Santa Claus somewhat less convincing. But where the picture loses out in authenticity, it gains in audacity as it seems that Mommy has dressed up specially for the occasion in red hot-pants and silver stripper heels. It's almost as if she knew Santa was on his way and had prepared herself ready for him coming. There is one alternative explanation, that the Mommy concerned is actually one of the presents that Santa is delivering as there must be many a Daddy who would like her in their Christmas stockings.

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Drive My Car - The Beatles 
Tuesday, 18 December, 2012, 12:56 - Singles Of The 1960s
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the beatles drive my car 1Here we see British superstars of the sixties, The Beatles posing on the cover of their 1965 single, Drive My Car. Their 'moptop' hairstyles all merging together in the center of the cover to give the impression that the four heads are somehow stuck together. As with many pieces of artwork from records of the time, the person responsible for making it missed one important factor, which is that there is absolutely nothing to do with cars anywhere on the cover. The only thing vaguely connected with automobiles is possibly the fact that if you cut a circle out of the cover it would probably be a similar shape to a tire.

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the beatles drive my car 2And so on to the revised version. As with many covers, the boys have been replaced by girls. This time, instead of the four floppy haired Brits, we see four feisty felines. The rotational symmetry of the original cover has been kept, so that if you cut a circle out of it, it would still be a similar shape to a tire. What has been done to make the cover more connected with cars, however, is that the ladies are wearing outfits which suggest they know a bit about what goes on under the bonnet. Disappointingly though, if you look closer you will see that none of them has any grease marks on their outfits, suggesting that looks are deceptive and although they look like they could handle a torque wrench, in all probability they couldn't even spell it. Beep beep, beep beep, yeah!

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Dancing On The Ceiling - Lionel Richie 
Monday, 17 December, 2012, 12:45 - Albums Of The 1980s, Singles Of The 1980s
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lionel richie dancing on the ceiling 1Ooooh, what a feelin'! When your Dancing On The Ceiling. Too right. A feeling that any second you will fall off and you will hit your head on the floor. But that doesn't seem to deter Mr Richie from encouraging us to join in this rather pointless pass-time. The cover of this 1986 single (and album of the same name) sees Mr Richie in a white suit with his trademark black mustache looking a little as if he has already fallen and hurt his head. Or perhaps he is not smiling as the party is now over and he is having to sit on the floor. Or maybe his frizzy hair got damaged in all the falling off. Either or other way, he could have tried to smile a bit.

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lionel richie dancing on the ceiling 2The lady on the revised album (and single of the same name) cover, unlike Mr Richie, does appear to be dancing on the ceiling, with her legs very definitely up in the air. Sensibly she seems to be propping herself up on the floor to avoid falling and hurting her head. Mind you, in those heels, she would be prone to falling over even if she was dancing on the floor and not the ceiling.

Oh, hang on a cotton picking minute, someone has just turned the picture sideways haven't they? It's just a picture of a girl sat on some stairs that has been rotated. Still, she is pretty, in a sideways sort of a way and unlike Mr Richie, at least she is smiling.

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In The Navy - Village People 
Sunday, 16 December, 2012, 12:26 - Singles Of The 1970s
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village people in the navy 1"They want you, they want you, they want you as a new ree-kroot!" Who could forget the strains of this 1979 song from the Village People. In The Navy you can sail the seven seas. You can put your mind at ease. You can do all this in costumes ranging from a builder to a cowboy to an Apache Indian? Unlikely. Recruitment rules for the navy may have changed over the years and relaxed a little, but even now, turning up dressed as a biker with a long handlebar mustache and a studded leather jacket and hat is going to answer far too many questions that just don't even need asking in the first place.

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village people in the navy 2The Village People represent an image that is unlikely to attract that many people into the clutches of the navy. More recent attempts have been made to use music to recruit people into this fine organization such as the Simpsons (or more accurately the Party Posse) with their song Yvan Eht Nioj. But why not use the artwork of the cover of the single itself as the temptation. So here we are with the Village People replaced by the Village Person. The subliminal message in this cutey's eyes is most definitely one of joining with her. As for the navy, she has a hat doesn't she? She probably has a naval (navel see) too, though it isn't evident from this picture.

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Christmas Rappin' - Kurtis Blow 
Saturday, 15 December, 2012, 12:13 - Singles Of The 1970s, Christmas Crackers
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kurtis blow christmas rappin 1Can you believe that Kurtis Blow released this single in 1979. It is said by some people to be the first rap song ever released on a major record label. Whatever the true story, Christmas Rappin' is one of those songs that is always on the radio through the Holiday season. The cover for Mr Blow's single is, on the other hand, something that you would not want to see every season. First of all, it's a bit boring. But most of all, the bright red spots on the dull green background is, if you stare at it long enough, enough to make you go mad. Whether this was intentional is unknown. Perhaps it was meant to look like holly berries on a holly tree, but it doesn't. It looks like a sanity test from a mental asylum. Stare at it for a while, then close your eyes. Now, isn't that better?

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kurtis blow christmas rappin 2The main thing missing from the cover of Mr Blow's single is anything that needs wrapping or indeed unwrapping. To the psychedelic red-spots-on-a-green-background effect has been added a picture of a young lady who, it seems, is in the process of being unwrapped. How can you tell she is being unwrapped and not wrapped? In reality it is difficult, however the extent to which the wrapping paper is ripped suggests that it has been removed in an incoherent fashion, perhaps too quickly, suggesting that the person doing the unwrapping was over keen to get to the present that awaited underneath the paper. Christmas rappin' or Christmas rippin'? You decide.

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Christmas Wrapping - The Waitresses 
Friday, 14 December, 2012, 12:56 - Singles Of The 1990s, Christmas Crackers
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the waitresses xmas wrapping 1'Tis the season to be jolly, being December, so time to return to the Holiday theme with this 1981 classic from The Waitresses. In the song, Christmas Wrapping, the waitresses appear to have forgotten something and call around at the shop to get it (cranberry sauce or some such necessity). Whilst at the shop, having decided that they won't be doo-ing Christmas, they bump into a guy who seems equally pissed at (or on) seasonal cheer and what do you know, they get it together and enjoy the day after all. Happily ever after, or at least until Boxing Day when they guy concerned wakes up and realizes that the cover of their single is one of the most boring Christmas pieces of album art that exists.

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the waitresses xmas wrapping 2In the new cover, we now see two young ladies who could very much be waitresses dressed in festive outfits ready to wait upon those in need of seasonal sustenance. They seem in a very cheerful mood and are giving each other a hug. No doubt it's a bit cold in December wearing just a red bikini and a Santa hat. Note that the bikinis do not have any white fur trimming, and therefore the ladies are clearly not Canadian. If these are indeed the Waitresses, then perhaps the guy they meet at the store wakes up happier than he has previously been given credit for. If only this had been the original cover for the single, they might have got an offer from the guy (or many others) without the need to have driven down to the shops.

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