What is it that Kenny Thomas was thinking about when he put together the original single front cover artwork for Outstanding? Why, it seems that he was the only thing on his mind, together with his orange t-shirt and brown suit. Very 1990s of him. On the remix we find a babe who has a couple of very outstanding features: her PVC skirt and fishnet gloves, of course. Unless you count the large protuberances on her chest, which are quite outstanding too. Nipples!
Let's Turn Back The Clock with Johnny Hates Jazz. We do this by standing (or squatting) around in black suits with white shirts and in some circumstances a black tie. At least, that is what we are to believe, if the original single front cover artwork is our guide. On the remix is a clockwork babe who requires her key to be turned in her back which must be presumed is where her clock is, though given she is all but naked, the clock that is being turned by the key in her back is not visible. Tock!
Is there anything that makes a better romantic topic for a song than The Wedding? Apparently Julie Rogers doesn't think so. On the original single front cover artwork we find Ms Rogers looking, well, to be frank, like herself. No sign of a wedding there. On the remix we find a bride and three bridesmaids who are looking very weddingy (if that isn't a word to be used here that makes not sense of nonsense sensically). So which is the weddingly weddingy wedding remix of the picture. Cack!
On the original single cover artwork for Come And Get Me by Jackie DeShannon, we find Ms DeShannon looking rather forlorn which in the 1960s may have been all that is needed to call someone to come and get you, but in the new millennium we need more encouragement. That is why, on the remix, a mature babe is, as far as we can tell, showing that she is ready to be come and gotten in a clear and obvious way. Apart!
Have we remixed a folk song before? We honestly can't remember, but All Around My Hat by Steeleye Span is unashamedly folky. The original cover looks like the band have been on some kind of mind melting medications. The remix is much more folky and far more straightforward and instead of the mind melting medications, we have a babe whose hat is bedecked (is that a word?) with vegetation of the most colorful nature. Maybe we should stick to making remixed artwork and not trying to speak in the floral folk vernacular. Jingle!
When T-Kwon sings about being Tipsy, you might expect the front cover artwork of the single to reflect this. And it does, in a way, in that the word 'Tipsy' is blurred. It may be that this was as far as his imagination went, so we have assisted. On the remix is a babe who has had so much red wine to drink that she does not appear to have noticed that her boobs have fallen out of her dress. Then again, maybe she has noticed, but doesn't care. Or is too tipsy to bother either way. Sozzle!
Like we often say, sometimes a photo is just too good to waste. The bride in the remixed cover is soooo hot that there had to be a single cover that needed her. And that cover is this 1983 song by Elton John called Kiss The Bride. That has no f**king bride on it. What is Mr John up to? Oh, hang on, he doesn't do the bride thing does he? It would be more 'I Want To Kiss The Groom' which wouldn't make for nearly so good a remix now would it?
The original cover of Rose Royce's 1976 disco classic Car Wash is, to put it simply, garbage. It shows what? The word 'car wash' that's been extended into 3D by some fourth grade design student and the words 'Rose Royce'. Time for a remix to show what it's really all about. And what it's really all about is simple - babes hanging out at a car wash. Like the babe pictured who's so busy soaping up her engine that she's not noticed that her boobs have fallen out of her top. Never mind, she'll no doubt get plenty of tips.
Heaven Must Be Missing An Angel. Is that so? If it is, then why isn't the cover of this 1970s disco classic from Tavares providing any indication of who, what or where she might be. Thankfully, we have found her and restored the cover of the single to its full glory. And glory, glory, hallelujah. If that's what angels in heaven look like, then if one of them is missing, better get looking, 'cos you can bet that if she gets found by anyone she'll be missing for all eternity.
And please say to me, you'll let me hold your hand - I Want To Hold Your Hand, this 1963 single from The Beatles proclaims. But the cover leaves many questions unanswered. Who is it that wants to do the hand holding, the whole band or just one of them? And whose hand is it they want to hold? The remixed cover solves these issues and shows that the holder and holdee are both hot babes and look (as if you needed telling), one of them appears to be buck naked. No wonder they wanted to hold her hand.