What does Down On The Upside mean? Perhaps Soundgarden know what it means, but the original album front cover artwork doesn't explain it, unless it is somehow connected to being on a stage with a waterfall in the background. On the remix we find a babe who is, quite simply, upside down. Her down is on the upside, and her up is on the downside. Whether this is what the band meant we don't know. Invert!
Terence Trent D'Arby (or Sananda Maitreya as he is known today, even though his real name is the far less glamorous Terry Howard) is Holding On To You. He does this by wearing an orange fur, or at least wearing a fur that is then sprayed orange (which is probably more politically correct) on the the original single front cover artwork. On the remix we see two babes who are holding on to each other. This may be a sensible thing to do as they are only wearing high heel sandals, and seem to be standing in a slippery shower cubicle. Clean!
We don't know who Jem necessarily is, or why she wants Just A Ride. Oh, wait, Jem appears on the front cover of her original single artwork so at least we know what she looks like, but what is the ride she is either wanting or offering? On the remix we find a babe standing on a cobbled street in high heels and stockings and holding an umbrella. It seems she could do with a ride, especially as she seems to have forgotten some of her clothes. Or maybe the guy is offering her just a ride. Pick up!
What is it that Maxwell is singing about? It seems that even he himself doesn't really know, as it's just Sumthin' Sumthin'. The original single front cover artwork doesn't help much either as all we see is the singer in a bar or some such place. On the remix we find two babes bending over on a bed and showing sumthin' to us. Two sumthin's as it happens. Now if only we could remember the name of what those sumthin's are called. Then again, Maxwell couldn't remember either. Forgetful!
Is it Kesha or is it Ke$ha that Taio Cruz is featuring on his single Dirty Picture? Either spelling, ka-she appears on the picture on front cover artwork but ke-has not provided evidence of being dirty. On the remix we find a babe taking a selfie, or is that a $elfie? She has obviously been asked to make her picture dirty, as she is showing a little of her boob to the camera. Dirty, possibly, filthy, no. Go H-sake as they call her in Japan!
Another remix for Michael Jackson, this time for his song Dirty Diana. On the original single front cover artwork all we can see are Mr Jackson's rather flamboyant cowboy boots. What is it that he is looking at? Why, it might be the babe on the remix whose name may or may not be Diana. One thing is for certain, though, being covered in mud, she is most definitely dirty. The fact that she is naked in the mud makes her doubly dirty. Sludge!
Swing low. Swing out. Swing over. And while your at it, Swing My Way. That is the preferred direction of swing for K.P. And Envyi. To help you swing their way, the original single front cover artwork shows the back of two loudspeakers. Yes, that makes sense. On the remix is a babe, swinging, on a swing. Far less sensible? Only because she is doing so while topless. It is to be strongly hoped that she will not fall off as that could be very damaging. Oscillate!
We give a silver star to Jethro Tull for the original artwork for their album Bursting Out. That is because on the front cover they have a balloon, and as this was a live album, they show a singer on stage. The back side of the cover showed the other side of the balloon, a nice touch. On the remix we find a pinup babe bursting out from a grey piece of paper, as people did in the 1950s. It is perhaps a good job that she isn't wearing a bra, as she may have burst out of that too. Bust!
The Dickies bring us the song Banana Splits, sometimes sub-titled 'The Tra La La Song' and known by some as 'One Banana, Two Banana'. The original single front cover artwork shows the title of the song, the name of the band, and a banana. If you look closely, you will see that the title of the song is made from small bananas. On the remix is a babe whose split is (just about) covered with a banana colored bikini. Doesn't that give you the dickies? Canary!
Barbara Stephan brings us her single The River. On the original single front cover artwork we find Ms Stephan looking up at us through a fuzzy piece of glass. There isn't much of a river visible, unless it is a river of fuzziness. On the remix we find a babe who is taking a dip in a river. She seems to have forgotten to wear her swimming costume, bikini, or indeed any clothes at all. Perhaps her brain was overloaded with some kind of water-fuzz, should such a thing exist. Perhaps Ms Stephan could help her. Bank!