Ride A Wild Horse. Not a great idea if you are lacking cowboy training. But Dee Clark advises us to do it. On the original single cover artwork we find a wild horse attempting to be tamed by a lame tamer in a silly hat. On the remix we find a babe who has decided to look like a horse by wearing leather galoshes and, or so it would seem, inserting a pony-tail into her ass. Neigh!
Brushes and mops out, Let's Clean Up The Ghetto. Or at least that is what the Philadelphia International All Stars wanted us to do in 1977. The original cover artwork has no cleaning equipment visible. The remix helps as we find a ghetto babe doing some cleaning. Why she is doing this in wedge heels and no panties is anyone's guess, but perhaps that is what the ghetto is like. Downtown!
Another remix for Radiohead, anyone would have thought that we had planned that! Today it is the turn of their 1995 album The Bends. The original cover artwork for the album is another of their epic fails. Its only saving grace is that it might have been bendy if you took the album out of the sleeve and just played with the sleeve. The remix is simple. A babe who has the bends. So much so that she is heels over head. Chair!
The original cover artwork for Radiohead's single Fake Plastic Trees is awful. It has no trees of any kind on it, whether real or fake. The remix on the other hand has got some trees on it, but, I hear you say, those are not fake trees. No, they are not. The fake plastic is in the hands of the babe resting among the trees. So maybe the title should take on a comma, e.g. Fake Plastic, Trees. Unreal!
Nelly Furtado's idea of a Parking Lot appears, if the cover artwork of her single is to be believed, to be an empty parking lot, with a tree growing in it. Our idea of a parking lot involves having a naked babe (well other than for her heels) waiting patiently against the wall of an underground parking lot until we return to let her into the car. The question, therefore, is which of these versions do you prefer? Garage!
Bend It? That is what Dave Dee Dozy Beaky Mick & Tich tell us to do whilst sitting in a Jeep on the original front cover artwork of their single. All very confusing unless the chassis is bent, or maybe an axle? The remix sorts out this confusion with a babe who can, not to put too fine a point on it, certainly bend it. Curvy bending of the naked type, which is, of course, the best type. Arch!
When Malcolm Roberts sang May I Have The Next Dream With You, we think he was being a little too polite. The cover of his single at least suggests that he is asking in a nice way. The question remains who is he asking this question to. On the remix we find a babe who is sitting dreaming. Never mind Mr Roberts, can we join her for the next dream? Can you? Shall we all join in? Group!
All Wrapped Up In Cash was an album by the Nashville Fiddles in which they played some Johnny Cash numbers. On the original cover they take the correct approach of picturing a babe who is wrapped up in cash but not much else. On the remix the same approach has been taken, the only slight difference is that the babe concerned has a few less dollar bills covering her up. That and the fact that she is upside-down. Invert!
First Choice claim to be Armed And Extremely Dangerous, but on the cover artwork of their single, they don't appear to be armed, and certainly don't look very dangerous, unless platform shoes have hidden weapons in them. On the remix we find four babes who are clearly armed, and they look quite dangerous too. Maybe not extremely dangerous, but that's just a matter of personal opinion. Bang!
Another remix for those Swedish swingers, ABBA. On the original cover of Does Your Mother Know we find the four members of the band and, for some reason, the guy on the left is holding a light-sabre. On the remix we find some young guys in a park undressing a hapless babe. The question is, whose mother should know about this. On the one hand, the babe's mother should know as she is clearly in a compromised position. But we equally expect that if the boys' parents knew what was going on, they wouldn't be too happy either. Dilemma!