Only Girl (In The World) - Rihanna 
Tuesday, 29 January, 2013, 05:35 - Singles Of The 2010s
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rihanna only girl 1Rihanna is another one who is asking for it. No, not that. But to have her covers remixed. That said, this single from 2010 marked a strong departure from her earlier tracks in that it is less dark and sexualized. Only Girl (In The World) has Ms Fenty singing about how she wants to be made to feel like the only girl in the world. It might not appear it from its upbeat sound, but the song is actually about nuclear holocaust and how, afterwards, only Ms Fenty would survive. This is because of her red hair and her ability to stand in a field full of corn with her red dress being held to cover her boobs instead of actually wearing it.

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rihanna only girl remixIn this remix (which would have contravened the 'tits and bums only' policy if it hadn't been for a careful application of blur) Ms Fenty has been replaced by another redhead, who is also standing in a field. Her replacement looks a lot like 80's pop princess Tiffany. Like Ms Fenty, she has also learnt that by carrying her dress in her hands instead of wearing it, together with having died red hair, the effects of the nuclear weapons are nullified. She is also, the only girl in the world and... oops... there are two of them now. It might be better to change the title to Only Girls (In The World) but that would defeat the nuclear resistant message of the song. Maybe Tiffany's song I Think We're Alone Now referred directly to this situation.

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Born In The USA - Bruce Springsteen 
Monday, 28 January, 2013, 12:45 - Singles Of The 1980s
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bruce springsteen born in the usa 1An all American classic like Apple Pie and July the 4th, Born In The USA is an 80's classic of its own by Bruce Springsteen. The cover for the single is relatively minimalist but almost has the essentials. Firstly, Mr Springsteen is pictured, in full rock-star electric guitar playing style. You can almost hear the chord that he is strumming. He is set against a red, white and blue backdrop that isn't totally dissimilar to the old star spangled banner itself. The main difference being the stars which have been replaced by the title of the song itself. 4 out of 5 perhaps? (Incidentally, you can rate any of the pictures by clicking the blobs at the bottom of each entry).

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bruce springsteen born in the usa remix 1Achieving a remix of this cover was never going to be easy. It's like remixing the white house. For starters you can't take away the red, white and blueness, that would just be plain wrong. But what can be done is to remix Mr Springsteen himself. So instead of his rock-star physique he has been replaced by a physique of a different type. Yes, Mr Springsteen has been replaced by a sexy all-American cheerleader type wearing a patriotic bikini. Though there is only one of her, she is clearly a shining star thereby putting the stars back into the spangled banner. She is an American model who is, it is true to say, is born in the USA. God bless America!

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Superstition - Stevie Wonder 
Sunday, 27 January, 2013, 05:35 - Singles Of The 1970s
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stevie wonder superstition 1As the classic 1970s guitar kicks in you prepare yourself for some proper 70's funk. That marks the introduction to this classic from Stevie Wonder from 1972. Superstition is one of those songs that gets people a-twistin' and a-groovin' on dancefloors even today. The cover, on the other hand, is almost totally dismal in comparison. Just a silhouette of Mr Wonder, his name and the title of the song (which is in a font so large that it doesn't even fit across the cover). The use of an =equals= sign to hyphenate the word is odd. Nothing particularly superstitious about it though.

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stevie wonder superstition remix 1A classic such as this doesn't need that much of a remix. But rather than leave Mr Wonder on his own, we've brought along a couple of sexy girls to dance behind him. They are silhouetted too, but seem to be wearing very little and may even be naked. Unfortunately asking Mr Wonder what they were wearing is a little pointless, and unless they happened to make a lot of noise whilst a-groovin' then Mr Wonder may not even have realized that they were present. Then again, maybe they came and sat on his lap (in the presence of such funk royalty it is only to be expected) in which case he will be able to tell us much more about them!

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Embrace - Fragma 
Saturday, 26 January, 2013, 05:00 - Albums Of The 2000s
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fragma embrace 1What do we have here? An attractive blonde, squatting down, in a pretty dress in some kind of ragged yet picturesque blue-washed area. How this relates to the title of the album or the cover is totally unknown. The blonde in question does not even appear to be the singer for Fragma's 2002 album Embrace so perhaps they just used a mildly sexy picture to try and improve sales of the album. Also, quite possibly, it is intended to attract the kind of club DJs who would play the kind of music that Fragma make. Whatever the reason, it fails the two primary tests of a good cover in that it does not feature the band, nor does it in any way reflect the title of the album.

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fragma embrace remixThe original cover dates from 2002 and the blonde girl pictured on it will now be over 10 years older. And guess what... there is a more up-to-date picture of her available on the Internet. As such this is less of a remixed or remade cover and more of a straightforward update. The other thing that has changed is that the blue-washed area is now a sight more derelict than it was, and some of it has actually collapsed revealing a wild green area behind. There is one other change, and that is that the pretty dress that was originally being worn has, over the intervening years, evaporated (as such dresses have a tendency to do) leaving the lady wearing nothing more than her shoes. To protect her embarrassment at this unfortunate deterioration in her situation, she had has to embrace her greater embarrassment with her hands. So the picture at least now has some connection with the name of the album. It is to be hoped that she manages to find some other work to keep her busy soon, before the whole area is demolished to make way for some new expressway or skyscraper.

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With thanks to Bart for the tip off on this one.
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Summer Holiday - Cliff Richard 
Friday, 25 January, 2013, 05:47 - Singles Of The 1960s, Summer Sizzlers
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cliff richard summer hoilday 1Another fanmade cover for us to showcase. This time from Tim Marshall of Nottingham, England... We're all going on a summer holiday, or at least that's what Cliff Richard has us repeating everytime the sun comes out. This cover from the 1963 single (and film of the same name) has Mr Richard standing on a beach, and he appears to be singing. Is he on holiday? Unlikely, because if he was, the chances are he wouldn't be standing singing whilst someone took his picture. Is it summer? Difficult to tell, but let's give Mr Richard the benefit of the doubt on that. Are we all going with him? No. Nice try Mr Richard but a better lure is required to convince the world to go on a summer holiday to wherever it is you were at the time.

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cliff richard summer holiday remixWhat is little know about the beaches in British holiday resorts in the 1960s is that they were rife with nudists. In fact, during the summer months, the whole British coastline was one great big nudist camp. This is one of the reasons that the foreign holiday business began to grow as reserved families were forced to take their children overseas to get away from the views of danging male gonads that flapped about wherever you looked. It was probably this propensity for nakedness that makes Mr Richard's song so cheerful and why he is so upbeat about going on a summer holiday. In the remixed cover we see a typical photograph taken on a British beach in the 1960s. It's just a shame that the scorn poured by other countries on British humor such as Benny Hill as forced the country to revise its laws so that nudity on British beaches no longer produces endless pictures of this calibre.

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Thanks Tim, keep those remixes coming.
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War - Edwin Starr 
Thursday, 24 January, 2013, 16:45 - Singles Of The 1970s
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edwin starr war 1As with the remixed cover of I Shot The Sheriff, here is yet another cover remix inspired by a picture rather than by the song or the original cover artwork. One look at the remixed version will, without question have you going 'War, huh... what is it good for?' But first to the original cover from 1970. In it's colourized orange hue we see Mr Starr looking, if truth is told, a bit grumpy. The only other addition is the title of the song (and the B-side just for good measure) and of course Mr Starr's name (together with a sticker proclaiming the monotonacity of the recording). Boring? Wake me up when the needle gets to the middle of the disc or when stereo is invented...

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edwin starr war remixSo back to the question that Mr Starr asks us in this famous song... 'War, huh... what is it good for?' Mr Starr replies, maybe rhetorically, 'absolutely nothing'. But this is patently not the case. War is exceptionally good for the many defense contractors who rely on sales to the defense forces to make their large profits. For these, often multi-mega-million dollar, companies, war is very good indeed. The other thing that war appears to be good for, is to get a whole bunch of highly attractive women to stand around wearing only a utility belt and carrying a gun. What the original purpose of this picture is us uncertain. Perhaps it was meant as an advertising promotion but do sexy women really sell guns? Perhaps. Perhaps it is porn for those fixated on military matters. But, and this is making wild and probably highly inaccurate speculation, those for whom military matters are a turn-on would probably regard the women as a highly inaccurate portrayal of real war and would prefer to see shabbily clad insurgent fighters. Whatever the reason, it makes for a top quality remake of the original cover.

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I Shot The Sheriff - Eric Clapton 
Wednesday, 23 January, 2013, 05:43 - Singles Of The 1970s
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eric clapton i shot the sheriff 1Sometimes the name of an album or single inspires a remixed cover. Sometimes it is the original cover itself which demands a revised version to be produced. Sometimes, as is the case here, it is a random picture found whilst innocently trawling the Internet which forms the inspiration itself. Let's first look at the original cover which shows Eric Clapton standing with a guitar, and a beard. In good 1970s cover fashion the name of the song, I Shot The Sheriff, and of course Mr Clapton's name appear on the cover too. That's pretty much all there is to it and in itself the cover, or title of the song or artists would be insufficient to inspire any kind of album art remake.

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eric clapton i shot the sheriff remix 1The inspiration in this case came from the picture that replaces that of Mr Clapton. In his place is a young lady, in a flimsy dress and high heels, carrying a whopping great gun. There are of course other songs which this picture could have been used to remix the cover of, but the question that shot immediately to mind was, 'who is it that she is looking to shoot?' The answer which immediately came to mind was, 'the sheriff, of course'. There are lots of other possibilities, and it is possible, of course, that she is just a model posing with the gun for publicity purposes (a bad move following recent events) and wasn't intending to shoot anyone. But artistic license permits all kinds of extrapolation and thus this particular remade cover was born. Following her shooting of the sheriff, she escaped by hiding the gun and her clothes (which had gunpowder residue on them) in a garbage can and running naked to her hideout several miles away. Sadly, no pictures of this part of her story are available.

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Slippery When Wet - Bon Jovi 
Tuesday, 22 January, 2013, 05:38 - Albums Of The 1980s
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bon jovi slippery when wet 1An album title waiting to be remixed if ever there was one. In fact a quick Internet search will reveal many remixed and fanmade covers for this 1986 album from Bon Jovi that immediately recognise the idea that there are many things that are Slippery When Wet but few more commonplace, or aesthetically pleasing, than a pair of boobs. The original cover shows nothing more than the words 'slippery when wet' scrawled upon what appears to be the glass screen of a shower that has been splattered with droplets of water. Oh, and of course the all important name of the band as well - but notably none of the band members - nor the person responsible for scrawling the words on the shower glass are in any way prominent.

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bon jovi slippery when wet remixIn the remixed version, what has happened is that the person who was placed in the shower by the photographic team has moved such that she is now in the shot. Whilst we cannot see her face, it does appear that she has gotten wet whilst being involved in the photoshoot. What is a little odd is that she seems to have taken the opportunity of being in the shower to cover her body in some kind of oil. Maybe this was to repel the water that was clearly involved in making the album cover. The net result is that she appears to be both very wet and very very slippery. It seems quite possible that this was one of the requirements of the photographer but as she doesn't appear on the original cover, it seems a lot to ask. It's fitting that she should make it onto the remixed cover so that her efforts are not in vain, and are instead recognised for the valuable contribution that they make.

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Paradise - Coldplay 
Monday, 21 January, 2013, 05:27 - Singles Of The 2010s
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paradise coldplayMore mid-winter mayhem from those British boys Coldplay. This time their single Paradise is the focus of a remixed cover. This is one of those single covers that deserves to be remixed. It shows what exactly? Well, the words 'Coldplay' and 'Paradise' of course, but the rest of it is just some arty-farty nonsense that clearly means something to someone somewhere but doesn't do anything to convey coldness, playfulness of anyone's vision of what paradise might be like. Unless your idea of paradise is abstract blue-colored artwork. That being said, it is a great song though.

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paradise coldplay 2In the tradition of remixing the cover, the cold playfulness is now bare for all to see in the form of a naked lady who seems very happy to be sprawled, in the nude, in the snow. The lady in question is a picture of paradise itself, well at least she's more like most men's idea of paradise than the blue splodges on the original cover. The question is this: if you look closely (surely you need no encouragement to do this), the snow that is strategically placed to cover her more personal bits looks fake. Whether anything else is fake is less certain but on very close inspection (go on, take a really close look) it may be that she is not in real snow at all and may not be playing in the cold. Does this make her any less of an angel of paradise?

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Yellow - Coldplay 
Sunday, 20 January, 2013, 05:16 - Singles Of The 2000s
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yellow coldplayOur Canadian friend Micheal Boob-lay presents lots of opportunities to play around with the artwork covering his singles and albums. It seems our British friends Coldplay offer a similarly wide range of opportunities. The twist here is in 'cold play', as in playing outside in the cold. Thankfully there are lots of songs to choose from, nearly as many as there are pictures of hot babes in cold snowy situations. It seems appropriate then, to start with one of Coldplay's earliest singles, Yellow. Their cover has a yellow flower on a yellow background. How inventive!

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yellow coldplay remixSo how do you fuse cold, play and the color yellow into an alternative picture. Well the obvious one is to have a sexy babe peeing in some snow and thereby turning it yellow. The problem here is that most such pictures contravene the 'Allbum.Art tits and bums only policy' (there is no such policy but the idea is not to make pornographic covers, just sexy, cheeky ones). So here is a girl, who is hot, naked and in the snow, and clearly desperate to pee. The yellow will therefore follow but she is obviously playing in the cold. More cold play remixed single and album covers to follow no doubt, especially while the winter weather leads naturally to thoughts of naked chicks playing in the snow.

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