White Lines (Don't Do It) - Grandmaster Flash And Melle Mel 
Wednesday, 9 January, 2013, 12:28 - Singles Of The 1980s
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grandmaster flash and melle white lines 1Three flashes in a row, anyone might start believing that there was some logic in the apparently random songs picked to appear. Anyone would be largely wrong. The cover for this 1983 song by Grandmaster Flash and Melle Mel fails on the same front that many other covers do. Firstly, the band members are nowhere to be seen, and secondly the picture included in on the cover art has no White Lines on it. The titles are shown as if they have been printed on various different bits of paper and then ripped up and stuck together and this does leave a few White Lines, but not really enough to qualify.

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grandmaster flash and melle white lines 2And here's another thing: what on earth are they going on about in the song. Something like a phenomenon baby? What is, some desolate urban scene with graffiti? Hardly now. So the cover has been revised to show a phenomenal young white lady who has obviously had her bikini on whilst sunbathing and has now come inside to cool off. Unfortunately for her, having taken off her bikini, she has revealed the white lines it has left. Silly girl. If only she'd listened to the Grandmaster she'd have been told not to do it. Only one thing left to say about the fact that her white lines go a long way, and that is: Rang dang diggedy dang-a-dang.

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Flashdance (What A Feeling) - Irene Cara 
Tuesday, 8 January, 2013, 12:49 - Singles Of The 1980s
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irene cara flashdance 1Oooh, what a feelin', when you're dancin' on the seelin'. No, not that one, that's Lionel Richie you're thinking of. This is the Oooh, what a feelin', feel's believin'. From the 1983 film Flashdance (whose name is most probably taken from this sing) no less, the cover sees some dancing type in leg-warmers sitting on the floor. Oddly, she is neither flashin', nor for that matter, feelin', but is just sat there being a bit dull. Grey. Dull. See? But despite this cover art dullness, the film was a rip roaring success. It's about a welder who, well, who dances but doesn't flash, unless the flash relates to the light from her arc-welding lamp. Yawn.

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irene cara flashdance 2Still here? Well let's hope this updated version provides you with the zing you need to relive those halcyon moments from the film. The dull welding girl type has been replaced by a dancer who seems to fit into her leg warmers in an altogether more pleasing manner. Some may argue that it would have been more pleasing if she had been in the altogether, but that's not how AllBum.Art rolls. And it's clear that the dancer has no rolls either as there doesn't appear to be an ounce of flesh out of place. Is she also a welder? You have to ask yourself whether you really need to know the answer to this question or whether you are content to let such unimportant issues float on the wind like the sparks from an Oxy-Acetelene welding torch.

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Flash - Queen 
Monday, 7 January, 2013, 16:34 - Singles Of The 1980s
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queen flash 1Whilst we are in the realm of the Britannic majesty of Queen, there is one more song that is just gagging to have a cover that reflects it's double-entendre if not triple or quadruple-entendre title and that is Flash. Recently re-popularized by the film Ted, the song is the theme tune to the 1980 movie Flash Gordon. The cover for the single on the other hand is as boring as a discussion on quantum rocket theory would be with Ted's supposed belle Tammy Lynn. That is to say, blue. With a few speckled white bits of dubious origin. And the word 'Queen' in white. And the word 'Flash' in red. Rocket science it ain't.

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queen flash 2Of course there are many picture of ladies 'flashing' that could adorn the revised cover, but only one has the regality and authenticity to grace such a noble cover and that is Ornella Muti who played Princess Aura in the original Flash Gordon movie. Thankfully there are a range of pictures of Ms Muti 'flashing' to choose from, as she has posed for such upmarket and prestigious magazines as Playboy. Here she is flashing some flesh and demonstrating why she was the ideal person to play Mr Gordon's love interest given the odd propensity for all her clothes to just fall off when presented with a stiff ray gun.

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Fat Bottomed Girls - Queen 
Sunday, 6 January, 2013, 12:04 - Singles Of The 1970s
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fat bottomed girls queen 1If ever there was a single made specially to suit AllBum.Art it has to be Fat Bottomed Girls/Bicycle Race. The single was a double A side. In this case A most exquisitely stands for ass and even British pop legends Queen picked up on the irony of their choice of songs for this double A side and placed a picture of a fat bottomed girl riding a bicycle on their cover. There's not really much that can be done to criticize this rather fetching cover, but that does not mean that there isn't an opportunity to modernize it in true AllBum.Art fashion.

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fat bottomed girls queen 2So the question is simply, should the focus be on the fat bottomed nature of the girls sung about, or the bicycle race. Or, as Queen had it, should both be included. In the end, the decision made itself when a Manga character riding a bike appeared in an inappropriately destined Google search and thus the new cover was born. The original 1970s fat bottomed girl has been replaced by a spanking new 2010s version who, though not necessarily having a particularly fat bottom, and who is not strictly a girl (being after all, a cartoon character) is most definitely worthy of a place on the cover of the single. If only all drawings were so delicious, let alone there being such delightful creatures in real life!

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Sweets For My Sweet - CJ Lewis 
Saturday, 5 January, 2013, 12:04 - Singles Of The 1990s
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cj lewis sweets for my sweet 1The cover for CJ Lewis's 1994 cover version of The Drifters classic Sweets For My Sweet appeared on the radar thanks to an e-mail from Reg Spineby of England (whose Samantha Fox cover is featured on the site). Reg says that he long wondered what the connection is between the song and the picture of the lady flashing (what exactly?) at Mr Lewis on the cover of the single. Reg says that as far as he knows, none of the words sweet, sugar or honey (which all appear in the song) are English slang for 'lift up your skirt and show me what's underneath', though Reg does admit to not being 100% sure of whether such slang may have existed in the 1990s.

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cj lewis sweets for my sweet 2That was the 1990s, and things have moved on since then in many different ways. Firstly, whatever English slang may have been trying to say, it would now be just as easy to say to the lady in question, 'lift up your skirt and show us what's underneath' as Reg tells us that such language is now commonplace in English nightclubs. In the updated cover for the song, the lady has continued to remove her clothes and to flash things at Mr Lewis. Mr Lewis himself has also changed, as has the color of his couch, but it's likely that the original one from the 1990s is now rather decrepit. It is still not 100% clear what the lady is attempting to show Mr Lewis but one thing is certain, she has a mighty fine ass.

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9 To 5 - Sheena Easton 
Friday, 4 January, 2013, 12:40 - Singles Of The 1980s
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sheena easton 9 to 5 1Welcome back to work after the holiday season. And to get back into the mood, here's a song about going to work. A number 1 hit from Scottish songstress Sheena Easton 9 To 5 (which we know best as Morning Train) is all about that monotonous daily grind. Ms Easton is perhaps best know for becoming arm candy for Prince. It's all too easy to forget that she was an artist in her own right. The cover sees Ms Easton in a pink raincoat stood by a clock. Why the raincoat? Who is to say. The question that does matter, is what exactly is she wearing under the raincoat?

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sheena easton 9 to 5 2Wonder no more as AllBum.Art reveal the answer. In fact there's more than just the answer revealed but also the fact that under the pink raincoat, there is nothing and everything to show. Nothing in the sense that there's nothing underneath the raincoat, as opposed to nothing to see. Everything in the sense that there's everything you might expect to see. The oddness of this is that in opening the raincoat a little to give a peek of what lies beneath, Ms Easton's hair and make-up also seem to have changed, as has her body shape. No matter, it's a little clearer to understand what Prince saw in her now.

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Nothing's Gonna Stop Me Now - Samantha Fox 
Thursday, 3 January, 2013, 12:27 - Singles Of The 1980s
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samantha fox nothings gonna stop me now 1It's always nice to receive a submission from someone new. This one comes courtesy of Reg Splineby of Grimsby, England. Reg tells us that Samantha Fox was a 'page 3' model in England in the 1980s. Apparently this means that she posed topless for one of the national newspapers. After her modelling career, she went on to have some, limited, chart success in England but was apparently much more popular in Eastern Europe and Russia. This is the cover for her 1987 single Nothing's Gonna Stop Me Now in which Samantha does not appear to have followed her own instructions as she has stopped short of stripping off.

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samantha fox nothings gonna stop me now 2Reg has sent us this alternative single cover which shows, as he put it, 'Sam's bountiful assets'. In this version, nothing has stopped her now and she has stripped off to be topless. Reg declines to say any more about Samantha, or what his motivation was for producing this alternative cover, but perhaps a picture speaks a thousand words, and there is really no reason for him to provide added commentary. Not to worry, we can see why Ms Fox might cause a stir, especially if she posed like that in a national newspaper. Maybe the New York Times could take a leaf from the English press with their pictorials. If that was the 1980s it makes you wonder what kind of pictures appear in English newspapers today...

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Vogue - Madonna 
Wednesday, 2 January, 2013, 12:06 - Singles Of The 1990s
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madonna vogue 1"Strike A Pose". Those were the instructions that Madonna gave us in her 1990 single Vogue. On the cover we see Ms Ciccone striking some kind of pose, though one which most visibly suggest that she is suffering from some kind of back pain. The video for Vogue is much more true to the concept of 'vogueing' with dancers flailing their hands around in a wild and weird fashion before freezing in whatever position they end up in when Ms Ciccone instructs them to. What is also evident from the video is that you should be wearing a see-through top with no bra, or as with the cover of the single, a corset and stockings, when vogueing (and that goes for both sexes).

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madonna vogue 2Here we see four ladies who have taken the idea of vogueing to a new level. Gone are the see-through tops and lack of bra, they have foregone the corset and stockings, in fact other than shoes and socks (which are not visible in the picture and thus we can not tell whether they are wearing any), they have foregone all clothing in the hope of achieving the ultimate vogue pose. Unfortunately for them, it appears that at the moment that Ms Ciccone gave them the instruction to 'Strike A Pose', the poses they were left striking, were not. Not striking that is. Which is a shame, as they look like they are capable of striking a striking pose if they posed differently to the pose they are posing in the picture.

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January - Pilot 
Tuesday, 1 January, 2013, 12:48 - Singles Of The 1970s
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pilot january 1Do you remember this one? Chances are you didn't but there are very few songs with months in their title, and as it's January, this song from Scottish songsters Pilot, aptly called January, fits the bill nicely. It didn't, though, fit the billboard nicely, but did make number 1 in Pilot's home country. As for the cover, well it's nice to put a face to a name, or so they say. We get to see the four boys from Pilot though it seems that some kind of blue haze has overtaken Scotland, either that, or they are wearing so much denim that the fumes from their jeans and jackets have filled the air and turned everything blue. Blue in a colored sense that is, not blue in a linguistic sense. Don't ya love those 1970s hairstyles?

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pilot january 2Across the pond, as our Scottish friends would call it, things in January are a lot less blue in the colored sense and more blue in a linguistic sense, as the boys have been replaced by four rather chilly looking ladies. Being January, it's no surprise that there's snow on the ground. And it's no surprise that they're looking chilly, especially as they seem to have lost most of their clothes. Perhaps they're silly and chilly and somehow thought that coming out in the snow in just their bikini bottoms was a normal thing to do. Perhaps they are, in fact, hardy Scottish types, though none of them have particularly bad hair styles or ginger hair. Whether they sound like Scotty from Star Trek is difficult to tell without hearing them speak. There must surely be plenty of men lining up to listen to them in those outfits who could tell us though.

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Happy New Year - ABBA 
Tuesday, 1 January, 2013, 06:59 - Singles Of The 1980s, Christmas Crackers
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aba happy new year 1Hey, hey, time to stop all those silly Christmas songs and get back to work. Maybe not quite. First it's time for New Years Eve parties with all that that entails. This cover is from Swedish songster ABBA's 1980 song Happy New Year. We have the lovely message from the band, wishing us all the best with their signatures and some lovely pictures of them although they look a bit glum. Over here, New Year parties rarely look so serene, though maybe they do in Sweden? Perhaps it's so cold up in the north of Europe, near the arctic circle that being glum is something that happens all winter. Poor ABBA.

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aba happy new year 2Back here, New Years Eve parties are, with the possible exception of Christmas parties, the time to socialize to the max, to drink every last drop of alcohol left over from the festive season and to do whatever you want. Firstly no-one will even notice as they are all too sozzled to see straight, and secondly, if you did do anything embarrassing, you can just claim that (a) you were drunk and don't remember what you did and (b) the acccusator was also drunk and couldn't possibly be remembering correctly what they had seen. That is obviously what is happening with these girls in the revised cover.

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P.S. Following the logic of the above, do not invite tea-totallers to New Year parties, especially if you intend to dance topless with your friends with a glass in your hand. They WILL remember!
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