Nothing's Gonna Stop Me Now - Samantha Fox 
Thursday, 3 January, 2013, 12:27 - Singles Of The 1980s
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samantha fox nothings gonna stop me now 1It's always nice to receive a submission from someone new. This one comes courtesy of Reg Splineby of Grimsby, England. Reg tells us that Samantha Fox was a 'page 3' model in England in the 1980s. Apparently this means that she posed topless for one of the national newspapers. After her modelling career, she went on to have some, limited, chart success in England but was apparently much more popular in Eastern Europe and Russia. This is the cover for her 1987 single Nothing's Gonna Stop Me Now in which Samantha does not appear to have followed her own instructions as she has stopped short of stripping off.

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samantha fox nothings gonna stop me now 2Reg has sent us this alternative single cover which shows, as he put it, 'Sam's bountiful assets'. In this version, nothing has stopped her now and she has stripped off to be topless. Reg declines to say any more about Samantha, or what his motivation was for producing this alternative cover, but perhaps a picture speaks a thousand words, and there is really no reason for him to provide added commentary. Not to worry, we can see why Ms Fox might cause a stir, especially if she posed like that in a national newspaper. Maybe the New York Times could take a leaf from the English press with their pictorials. If that was the 1980s it makes you wonder what kind of pictures appear in English newspapers today...

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Vogue - Madonna 
Wednesday, 2 January, 2013, 12:06 - Singles Of The 1990s
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madonna vogue 1"Strike A Pose". Those were the instructions that Madonna gave us in her 1990 single Vogue. On the cover we see Ms Ciccone striking some kind of pose, though one which most visibly suggest that she is suffering from some kind of back pain. The video for Vogue is much more true to the concept of 'vogueing' with dancers flailing their hands around in a wild and weird fashion before freezing in whatever position they end up in when Ms Ciccone instructs them to. What is also evident from the video is that you should be wearing a see-through top with no bra, or as with the cover of the single, a corset and stockings, when vogueing (and that goes for both sexes).

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madonna vogue 2Here we see four ladies who have taken the idea of vogueing to a new level. Gone are the see-through tops and lack of bra, they have foregone the corset and stockings, in fact other than shoes and socks (which are not visible in the picture and thus we can not tell whether they are wearing any), they have foregone all clothing in the hope of achieving the ultimate vogue pose. Unfortunately for them, it appears that at the moment that Ms Ciccone gave them the instruction to 'Strike A Pose', the poses they were left striking, were not. Not striking that is. Which is a shame, as they look like they are capable of striking a striking pose if they posed differently to the pose they are posing in the picture.

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January - Pilot 
Tuesday, 1 January, 2013, 12:48 - Singles Of The 1970s
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pilot january 1Do you remember this one? Chances are you didn't but there are very few songs with months in their title, and as it's January, this song from Scottish songsters Pilot, aptly called January, fits the bill nicely. It didn't, though, fit the billboard nicely, but did make number 1 in Pilot's home country. As for the cover, well it's nice to put a face to a name, or so they say. We get to see the four boys from Pilot though it seems that some kind of blue haze has overtaken Scotland, either that, or they are wearing so much denim that the fumes from their jeans and jackets have filled the air and turned everything blue. Blue in a colored sense that is, not blue in a linguistic sense. Don't ya love those 1970s hairstyles?

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pilot january 2Across the pond, as our Scottish friends would call it, things in January are a lot less blue in the colored sense and more blue in a linguistic sense, as the boys have been replaced by four rather chilly looking ladies. Being January, it's no surprise that there's snow on the ground. And it's no surprise that they're looking chilly, especially as they seem to have lost most of their clothes. Perhaps they're silly and chilly and somehow thought that coming out in the snow in just their bikini bottoms was a normal thing to do. Perhaps they are, in fact, hardy Scottish types, though none of them have particularly bad hair styles or ginger hair. Whether they sound like Scotty from Star Trek is difficult to tell without hearing them speak. There must surely be plenty of men lining up to listen to them in those outfits who could tell us though.

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Happy New Year - ABBA 
Tuesday, 1 January, 2013, 06:59 - Singles Of The 1980s, Christmas Crackers
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aba happy new year 1Hey, hey, time to stop all those silly Christmas songs and get back to work. Maybe not quite. First it's time for New Years Eve parties with all that that entails. This cover is from Swedish songster ABBA's 1980 song Happy New Year. We have the lovely message from the band, wishing us all the best with their signatures and some lovely pictures of them although they look a bit glum. Over here, New Year parties rarely look so serene, though maybe they do in Sweden? Perhaps it's so cold up in the north of Europe, near the arctic circle that being glum is something that happens all winter. Poor ABBA.

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aba happy new year 2Back here, New Years Eve parties are, with the possible exception of Christmas parties, the time to socialize to the max, to drink every last drop of alcohol left over from the festive season and to do whatever you want. Firstly no-one will even notice as they are all too sozzled to see straight, and secondly, if you did do anything embarrassing, you can just claim that (a) you were drunk and don't remember what you did and (b) the acccusator was also drunk and couldn't possibly be remembering correctly what they had seen. That is obviously what is happening with these girls in the revised cover.

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P.S. Following the logic of the above, do not invite tea-totallers to New Year parties, especially if you intend to dance topless with your friends with a glass in your hand. They WILL remember!
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Three At A Table For Two - Doris Day 
Sunday, 30 December, 2012, 05:55 - Singles Released Before 1960
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doris day 3 at a table for 2 remixdoris day 3 at a table for 2 1This must be one of the oldest songs we've remixed here at AllBum.Art. Three At A Table For Two was sung by forces darling Doris Day in 1940. The original cover sees Ms Day smiling sweetly, but where is the table, and who is the interloper making the company a crowd? The remix, quite vividly, shows the situation. Two people were sat at a table having a nice cup of coffee together when along comes some gregarious girl and sits down between them getting in their way. Very distracting we would imagine.
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Happy Xmas (War Is Over) - John & Yoko 
Tuesday, 25 December, 2012, 07:00 - Singles Of The 1970s, Christmas Crackers
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john and yoko happy xmas 1Do Christmas songs come any bigger than this one from former Beatle John Lennon (R.I.P.) and his partner Yoko Ono. Happy Xmas (War Is Over) must be one of the most (over) played songs on the radio during the Holiday season. It has been covered by several artists since its first release in 1971. The cover sees John and Yoko together with the Plastic Ono Band and the Harlem Community Choir who feature on the song. Not bad going for the artwork artists of the time: they actually feature the artists on the cover of the single. Unfortunately, there are a little lost amidst a crowd of onlookers.

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john and yoko happy xmas 2This simplified cover has been stripped bare, back to the absolute basics (of which surely John and Yoko would approve). Gone are the choir and the Plastic Ono Band who, whilst rightly sharing the limelight, do detract a little from the otherwise simplicity of just representing the main artists themselves. This revise cover features just two things. Firstly we see a John (so called after its inventor Sir John Harrington). Secondly, we see an egg (fried) and surrounding the yolk of the egg, is the letter 'O'. So, we have John and Yolk-O and thus the original sanity of the cover is restored to its naked essentials.

Merry Christmas!

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Pink Christmas - Moneyshot Cosmonauts 
Monday, 24 December, 2012, 12:36 - Singles Of The 2010s, Christmas Crackers
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moneyshot cosmonauts pink christmas 1What the F...? Who or what are the Moneyshot Cosmonauts? And anyhow, shouldn't out and out commie barstewards be locked up in a Guantanamo prison and never let out? That's not a very christian approach to love and peace is it? If you don't know who the Moneyshot Cosmonauts are, use your noggin and Google or Bing or Bong them or whatever it takes. What you will find is their cover of the Pink song So What, with Christmassy lyrics that they call Pink Christmas. The artwork for this song though has two main flaws: (1) It's not Christmassy and (2) It's not pink. Of course, that can be rectified...

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moneyshot cosmonauts pink christmas 2So now we have a nice combination of pinkness and Christmassiness and artwork sanity has been restored to full festive force. But compared to the likes of Bing Crosby, why has this very obscure song been singled our for such important treatment. Isn't it blatantly obvious? What else could be done with this picture of the naked lady in pink gloves and a white fur scarf? There are very few songs that involve both pinkness and Christmassiness that could serve as a platform for the revelation of this pretty pink perky person. That, and the Christmas beer talking.

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Christmas - Michael Bublé 
Sunday, 23 December, 2012, 12:13 - Albums Of The 2010s, Christmas Crackers
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michael buble christmas 1Micheal, Michael, Michael. Why, oh why, oh why, do you insist on calling yourself Boob Lay? It makes for the easiest jokes on your album covers of all time. This 2011 album, unexcitedly called Christmas has the Canadian crooner's caramel voice pouring over slinky silky Christmas songs. And what picture do we get for our hard earned dollars? Well, none other than Mr Bublé himself who appears to have bought a Christmas present for someone or other and is attempting to deliver it in the middle of a snow-storm. Not a sensible move, but then again probably a quicker way to get things delivered than using the Canadian postal system which, as everyone knows, is actually run by penguins.

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michael buble christmas 2It seems just too easy to replace Mr Bublé's cover with an alternative. But easy is simple and simple is quick and easy. And so Mr Bublé has been replaced by a very (very) busty lady who is wearing a Christmas hat and a Christmas jacket of some kind and may even have been wearing a Christmas bra (which might even have been to Canadian seasonal standards). However her boobs are so large that whatever she was wearing seems to have been unable to hold them and now they just lay there in front of her. Hence we now have an album that can rightly be called Christmas with Micheal Boob Lay. Voila (as they say in Montréal).

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Baby It's Cold Outside - Various Artists 
Saturday, 22 December, 2012, 12:03 - Singles Released Before 1960, Singles Of The 1960s, Singles Of The 2000s, Christmas Crackers
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baby its cold outside 1A seasonal classic, written as long ago as 1944, Baby It's Cold Outside has been performed and recorded by a long string of artists most notably:
  • Margaret Whiting and Johnny Mercer (1949)
  • Dean Martin (1959)
  • Ray Charles and Betty Carter (1961)
  • Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey (2004)
Very few pieces of original album art exist (and some versions were only released on compilation albums) and so this 'knitted sweater' design has been used as the basis for a re-work of this chilly tune.

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baby its cold outside 2The revised version stays with the knitted sweater idea but instead of a cosy 'warm inside' version, this one is most definitely 'cold outside'. The lady in the picture appears to be wearing nothing but a furry hat but is thankfully protected from the harsh chill of the cold by a furry jacket that she appears to be sitting on. How she got into this predicament, heavens only knows but presumably if she felt the cold she wouldn't have got like this in the first place. She can always put the furry jacket back on again, though without any trousers or other garments, it is unlikely to provide sufficient warmth. Perhaps her charming looks have an exothermic reaction with the surrounding snow. Or maybe not.

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Christmas Time - Bryan Adams 
Friday, 21 December, 2012, 12:52 - Singles Of The 1980s, Christmas Crackers
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bryan adams christmas time 1It seems that so many Festive songs were recorded in the 1970s and 1980s. This 1985 hit comes to us courtesy of Mr Bryan Adams, who is Canadian. The song Christmas Time reached number 4 in the Billboard charts. Like so many songs of this era, it also suffers from a primary problem. In this case, we can see no evidence of Mr Adams himself, nor any evidence of its Canadian origin. In fact, the single cover artwork is very dull indeed and tells us nothing other than that the song is called Christmas Time and that it is by Mr Bryan Adams. The piece of holly and the simulated snowflakes, although adding some air of Christmassiness, do little to sell the single.

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bryan adams christmas time 2As you will now be aware, if you have been following the re-makes of Christmas artwork on AllBum.Art, it is law, in Canada, that at this time of year, women should wear red bikinis trimmed with white fur. It is appropriate then, that the cover should contain a picture of a lady in such an outfit. Appropriate but perhaps a little plain. Instead we see a lady who would be arrested in Canada as her costume lacks the obligatory white fur trim. It also seems that she lacks any sense as she is sat on a table and is holding her panties in her teeth. Maybe someone could let her know that they belong on her bottom which will otherwise get cold. Tut, tut.

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