Happy Birthday to you, that is what Stevie Wonder is singing, over and over again, in this 80s song. On the original cover we find Mr Wonder and his beaded dreadlocks. On the remixed single cover we find two buxom mature babes, whose idea of a happy birthday seems to include one of them holding a frankfurter to the ass of the second one. Sausage!
What, precisely, is Craig David's Hidden Agenda? Is it, perhaps, his denim jacket? Is it, maybe, his goatee beard? Or is it, possibly, his silly winter hat? The original single cover artwork leaves you guessing. On the remix we are presented with a babe who we have to presume has a hidden agenda (otherwise she wouldn't be on the front cover of the single). What is her hidden agenda? That is for you to work out, though there isn't that much to work out as her agenda is not that well hidden. Revelation!
Danger, Danger Will Robinson. Oops, not not that one. Try Danger, Danger High Voltage, for that is what Electric Six are warning us about. The original single and album cover does this through the extensive use of the color orange, including a moody orange glitter-ball. The remixed artwork does this through placing a topless babe next to a danger sign at an electricity sub-station. Which has the highest danger factor is for you to decide. Tangerine!
A triple-play from Calvin Harris and his track Acceptable In The 80s. Apparently what it was that was acceptable before 1990, according to the original single cover artwork, was blobby orange sunglasses and a video game type font. Not very informative is it. On the first remix we see a babe holding an 80s classic, the Rubik's Cube. And on the second remix is a babe whose hairiness would be acceptable in the 80s, but today is uncommon and a little outdated. And although the Rubik's cube is having a bit of a revival, we home that hairiness might remain lost in the past. Fizz Buzz!
Just when we thought we couldn't find any more songs about flying, Alberta, our resident expert on all things Canada points out Flying by Canadian rock legent Bryan Adams. On the original cover of the groover from Vancouver's single, we find an airborne electric guitar. On the remix, we find two babes waiting patiently for the pilot of their aircraft to arrive, so that they can get airborne and do some flying. Quite why they are both naked and wearing frizzy wigs is less clear. Maybe they misinterpreted the pilot's specification for their safety gear? Landing strip!
Turn It Around, the instructions from 4 Strings are clear enough. The original single artwork though, is not so clear. What is 'it' that should be turned around, and why? The lead singer loping about on the cover gives no clues. On the remix a babe is climbing some stairs and to save her skirt getting caught around her knees, she is lifting it up and in the process, revealing her ass to those standing behind her. If she turned around, 'it' may be revealed. Staircase!
It is patently clear from the original single front cover artwork of Stoop Down Baby... Let Your Daddy See by Chick Willis With Blues, that the purpose of his asking the babe to stoop down is to try and get a glimpse of what is up her skirt. This kind of overt misogyny was rife in the 1970s. Today such things would not be acceptable and instead, on the remix, we find a babe who has stooped down very low so that someone can see. It may be her daddy, or it may be you. What you can see is that she has a big bubble butt. That's how we do things in the 21st century. Peach!
What were The Shadows thinking about when they put the artwork together for the front cover of their album Reflection? Oddly, it is an electric guitar whose facade has been distorted by the waves of what appears to be a swimming pool. But it's not a reflection, is it? It's a distortion. On the remix is a babe wearing little other than her lingerie, whose body is being reflected in a mirror. There's a reflection of her, not a distortion. But there's no shadow, so it's not a perfect solution. La La Land.
Officially titled (Win, Place Or Show) She's A Winner, this track is by The Intruders. The original single front cover artwork shows the band lounging around, but doesn't indicate who she is, or why she is a winner. Strangely, the remix doesn't necessarily solve these mysteries. There is clearly a babe who has won a competition, making her a winner. But how has she won when there are a host of naked babes in the background, but our so-called winner is fully clothed. That bit remains a mystery. Oddness!
A one-a, a two-a, a three-a, a four-a, ah Shaddap You Face. You-a see-a that-a is-a (OK, enough-a with the fake-a Italiana) what Joe Dolce sings in this dreadful song of the 1980s. The original single cover artwork is not much less dreadful, showing just the singer's face. On the remix we find a babe whose face has been shaddapped (is that a word?) by means of a ball-gag. The fact that she is tied to a tree may also help to keep her quiet. Quite!